Use these five tips to improve Conversation skills.
1. Be a Good Conversation Role Model
Children learn from watching the adults around them, so it is no surprise that this also applies to learning how to have a conversation. Demonstrate good conversation habits like listening, showing empathy and asking questions. Don't forget that it is also good to model how to start and end a conversation.
2. Be Present
A conversation can happen anywhere, and it doesn't have to be a formal sit-down face to face affair. It can happen alongside another activity, for example, cooking, doing crafts, or travelling in the car.
Even though you may be engaged in another task, this could be a great time to talk. The critical thing to remember here is to be present and tuned into the conversation. If you are rushing to cook dinner, answer emails, and load the washing machine, this is probably not the time to start a conversation.
Be present, stay engaged, listen and ask great questions (see next tip)
3. Ask a different Question
Conversations can get stuck in a rut; we ask the same question repeatedly and usually get the same response. Hands up how many times you have asked your child, "How was school today?” and got a one-word answer in response!
Well, a very simple tip is to ask a different question. Here are a couple of examples –
Would you rather be a grown-up or a child?
If you could choose a superpower, what would it be?
If you owned a shop, what would you sell?
What’s your earliest memory?
Remember, this is a conversation, so take time to listen to the answer and respond with questions that keep the conversation going.
4. Give Children the Time to Answer
Making time for children to answer a question is especially important in group situations where the conversation can be fast-paced, and the subject can jump around a lot. It is ok to circle back and give your child time and space to answer.
5. Practice is the key
Being a great communicator is not a gift bestowed upon children at birth; it is a skill they learn! So the more your child sees you modelling good conversation skills and the more opportunity they get to practise conversation, the more proficient they become.
Tools and resources to help children practice conversation skills:
https://finkcards.com/collections/families/products/fink-original-family-edition
]]>This week we launch a new set of conversation cards called ‘Conversations about Mental Health with Children and Young People’.
They are designed to help children explore and talk about mental health and wellbeing.
With current research showing that as many as one in ten children aged between 5 and 16 years (three in every classroom) has a mental health problem, and that over half of all mental ill health starts before the age of 14 years, it is vital that action is taken to help children talk about and understand mental health.
The cards have been written by Place2Be, a leading national children’s mental health charity, providing in-school counselling support and therapeutic services in primary and secondary schools.
Julia Clements, Principal Educational Psychologist from the charity explained why the resource was needed and how it could help young people.
“Teachers tell us that although they want to have conversations about mental health with their pupils, they find this difficult. This was our motivation for writing this much needed resource. Teachers can use the cards in a variety of ways to help pupils understand what mental health is and how good mental health can be maintained”.
Simple and easy to use, this resource is designed to be used by school staff to help pupils start having conversations about mental health. The questions help explore and develop children and young people’s understanding about mental health, including: what it is; how good mental health can be maintained; and how to access help when needed.
If used sensitively by a trusted adult, these cards will encourage children and young people to talk about mental health without feeling it is a taboo subject.
Conversations about Mental Health with Children and Young People Cards are ideal for Teachers, Counsellors and Social Workers.
The cards are being launched in time for Children’s Mental Health Week which runs from the 6th -12th February.
This years theme is Kindness.
Find out more about Conversations about Mental Health with Children and Young People.
Lisa Warner, one part of the Family Communication Duo, is an energetic and passionate ball of energy, whose excitement and enthusiasm know no bounds. Her drive and belief in doing the impossible has been rewarded when her mission to get families talking led her to found the incredibly successful Fink Cards and won her the title of Female Entrepreneur of the Year. Her contagious positive outlook regularly see her appearing on the radio, in newspapers and magazines where she will happily talk about the importance of good family communication. The entrepreneur, activist and energiser's proudest achievement to date is creating a strong and happy marriage and raising 4 confident and sociable teenagers.
Help Your Child Develop Confidence
I am so delighted to announce that we are publishing a new pack of cards to help children develop confidence.
Confidence affects all areas of our lives from work to relationships to health. If we help children be confident we are giving them an important tool and a great start in life.
The cards have been written by Becky Goddard Hill (author of Healthy Friendships) and will help children develop self-esteem and self-belief as well as develop strategies for keeping their confidence high.
Becky explained to me earlier that confidence is important for many reasons. Confidence can help children approach life positively. Confidence can help them takes risks (which are such an important part of growing up) and reach their potential, it also helps them assert themselves.
Real confidence helps children’s emotional health enormously. It helps them stay robust when life challenges come along such as bereavement or parental separation. It helps them deal with transitions to new schools and evolving and tricky friendships.
These cards aim to give focus to these important issues and really help children begin to talk about how confident they feel, and why. The cards will also work to affirm strengths and help children value themselves. Finally the cards will offer conversations around ways to develop confidence.
The cards can be used at home and at school and are essentially in four colour coded categories
Becky Goddard – Hill is a parenting author and blogger. She is also a qualified psychotherapist. She has many years’ experience of working with children in regard to their health and well being.
Developing Confidence will be available from 23rd November and is priced at £18.99
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Attempting to change your habits can be frustrating can’t it?
It’s frustrating when you know exactly where you want to be, but despite your best efforts, you just cant seem to get there. It’s frustrating when things seem to be going fine for a few weeks, but then you suddenly fall off the rails completely, and you’re back to square one.
Very frustrating…
I experienced this frustration time after time when I first tried to alter my habits. I would jump in with two feet and attempt to change everything at once, but inevitably I would get nowhere. That was until I decided to step back and make things a little easier for myself.
I adopted the slow and steady approach.
The slow and steady approach involves taking your end goal and working backwards from it, all the way down to the smallest thing you can do today that will take you a step closer to that goal. Once you’re fully comfortable with that small step, perhaps after a few weeks or a few months, you can then start to gradually build upon it. Slowly and steadily.
Let’s take an oversimplified example of running a marathon. For the sake of the example we’ll say that you’re currently sedentary, but you want to run a marathon at some point in the future.
It’s unlikely you’ll be able to jump off the couch and run a marathon straight off, so how can you break that marathon into achievable sub goals and daily habits that you can gradually work through?
Maybe one step down from a marathon is a half marathon. Down from that may be a ten kilometre distance, then five kilometres, then two, then one – all the way down to just walking four hundred metres to the end of your street and back every day.
Whatever you decide to start with, the idea is that you should perform the habit every day until you’re fully comfortable with it, maybe thirty to sixty days in a row. When you’re feeling comfortable, you can then begin to gradually build – maybe you start walking six hundred metres a day, or eight hundred.
Wherever you’re at, the idea is that if you perform the habit every day, over time the repetition will make it second nature. And it’s not just applicable to running. I’ve used the slow and steady approach to form a regular meditation practice, change my diet, and even alter my career trajectory. Others have used it for quitting smoking, improving relationships, and learning new skills.
A big advantage of this method is that compared to changing everything at once, it doesn’t require that you exert a lot of your willpower, which is a finite resource. You’re making small simple changes. You’re also succeeding often, so you’re building your self-esteem and confidence.
One possible caveat is this: moving slowly takes patience. If you decide to take the slow and steady approach, you’ve got to be prepared to commit to the long haul, which can sometimes be frustrating.
You’re also unlikely to see visible results early on. By taking really small steps you’re not really making physical changes in the beginning phase – you’re altering your behaviour and changing how your brain works. You’re forming those important neural pathways and getting your brain thinking: “this is what I do now”.
If you stick with it however, the slow and steady approach is incredibly effective and rewarding. One small step each month adds up to twelve small steps over a year, which can make the world of difference to your health and life situation.
So next time that you want to make a change, rather than jumping in full force, think about how you can break your goal down into small steps. Avoid the frustration, and instead increase your chances of creating a lasting, sustainable habit.
Luke is the author of our Healthy Habits Fink Cards, 48 questions that will help you kick-start the conversation on healthy habits, so you can start to eat, move and live a little healthier.
You can buy your pack here.
Luke is also an online content creator and wellness advocate. When he’s not relaxing with loved ones or practising movement, he spends most of his time exploring and sharing ideas in plant based nutrition, movement, mindfulness and sustainability at his site Health Room and on his YouTube Channel.
]]>We are pleased to announce that Brook, the leading sexual health charity for young people, will publish a new conversation card deck to help young people talk about Health, Wellbeing and Happiness.
The cards are to be called My Life, My Way – Health, Wellbeing and Happiness Conversations with Young People will be written by Helen Corteen, head of Wellbeing at Brook with support from Simon Blake, the Chief Executive.
Brook is the leading charity specialising in sexual health and well being, and have been working with young people on the issues that are important to them for them for more than 50 years. Their mission is to enable all young people to enjoy their sexuality without harm.
Brook already have a series of tools and programmes for young people, including two packs of Fink Cards, so I am delighted to be working with Brook again.
Simon Blake from Brook explains why they are focussing on health, happiness and well being, “In the 21st Century it is important that young men and young women develop the self confidence, self belief, determination and resilience to navigate their way through the ups and downs of modern living. Too often we do not pay enough attention to having good quality conversations with young people about their health, well being and happiness, these cards will open up conversations in a way that is relevant and meaningful to their lives.”
This new pack, My Life, My Way, Health, Well Being and Happiness Conversations with Young People, will be published by Fink Cards in March 2015.
To find out more about Brook, you can visit their website.
See the Sex and Relationships Matter Conversation Cards.
Parenting Teens is one of my favourite topics. Family conflict can be very frustrating and difficult teenagers even more so. But are we as the parents making things worse for ourselves? That was a thought I had recently so I asked one of my Teen Writers to tell us what gets on their nerves. So here you have it straight from the horse’s mouth over to you- Annie Brebner, 14 from Ontario, Canada.
I think that in every family there is something that parents can do that gets on their teens’ nerves, and vice versa. I’m sure that the conflicts differ within each family, but through my experience with my own parents and with my close friends’ parents, I can definitely think of some common things parents do, over and over, that can really annoy their kids.
Whether it’s just a small thing or a big subject, parents that tell their kids to not do something or to stop doing something, that they themselves do, drives kids crazy! For example, when my mom tries to call me on my cell phone, and for one reason or another I don’t pick up, she gets annoyed. Though it is not a huge conflict, she will confront me and ask me why I didn’t pick up my phone, etc. Then she will turn around and forget her phone when she goes out. This annoys me because in my mind I’m thinking, “you were just angry at me for not answering my phone and you don’t even have yours with you. What if I need to get in touch with you?”
To solve this problem, I think parents and teens just need to be open with each other and let one another know that they don’t like it when they don’t pick up their phones. Then they can both work on improving their problem together.
When teens are given a punishment, for example being “grounded,” I think they deserve to know why. Sometimes grounding works and other times it is completely pointless. Let’s say I failed my English test because I was spending too much time with my friends and not enough time studying. I would completely understand if my parents said,” Annie, you are not allowed to hang out with your friends this weekend because you need to focus on your school work.” I would think that was a fair punishment and I would go along with it. But I wouldn’t think it was fair if they told me I wasn’t allowed T.V. for a month. As that punishment doesn’t have anything to do with what I did wrong, and also doesn’t help me learn from my mistake (I would still be able to be as social as I was before). I think that when parents give unnecessary and irrelevant punishments, teens are less likely to take their punishment seriously, or they are less likely to understand what they did wrong and learn from it.
So, if I could make any suggestions it would be explaining to your teen what they did wrong and why they are being given a particular punishment. That way, there is more understanding between the parent and teen and there will hopefully be a better result.
About Annie
My name is Annie Brebner. I am fourteen years old and am the eldest of three kids.
I live In Ontario, Canada. I am in Grade 9 and am in my first year of high school.
I like to read, play the guitar, cook, hang out with my friends, and watch movies.
I play on a girls ice hockey team, I run and I also am pretty dedicated to my ballet.
I am really interested in travel and I want to one day visit Europe!